The Princess & the Penis by R.J. Silver
September 2011, Kindle Edition
Amazon + Good Reads
"A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination." - Good Reads
2.5 or 3 stars??? I don't know. I don't what to think about this little book or if I should attempt to write a serious review... because mostly, I'm just like
The entire premise of this book is kind of a f*cked up version of The Princess and the Pea. In a fantastical kingdom, far, far away, there lives a king and his family. The King's life work is to protect his daughter's virginal state so that she'll be primed for a marriage that'll best benefit his kingdom. The King has gone to magnificent lengths to protect said virtue (the daughter doesn't know what the word vagina means), until one night the princess complains about a disturbance in her bed. And, as the title is aptly given, you can probably guess what has been bothering her at night.
I can't really complain because this story was free on the Kindle and it was a whopping 71 pages. It was entertaining and it was freaking weird. I didn't hate it but I also can't bring myself to review it because I'm still sitting here scratching my head. If you have free time, need something short to help complete your GR goal, and aren't offended by penises - download it. Because why not?
And now, I'll leave you with some of my favorite lines.
"They seem quite familiar with the...object...in question, though they've never heard of one so enormous. Frankly, neither have I. It seems almost mythical."
"When I stroked it, it squirmed and moaned and snuggled up to me just like my pet ferret used to do when I rubbed him between the ears."
"Prince Longwood at your service," he said in a deep, resonant voice."